Over the summer, Skyler and I went to Crystal Coves where he showed me how to eat 20 grapes at once with your shirt off on the beach.
Happy camper birthday
Happiness : Venice Beach, CA.
I was just on the East Coast visiting family and the whole place is buzzing with talk about Hernandez. One thing remains clear, there’s no way for him to refute those charges. In famed words of Antoine Dodson, “you are so dumb. You are really dumb. For real.”
refute / verb : to prove to be false or erroneous, as an opinion or charge.
verb : to reject as having no authority or binding force, to cast off or disown.
Word of the Day : Respite
I need to get out of Los Angeles. I need a respite like Amanda Bynes needs a life coach. It might just be June Gloom but I feel like a tiny rainbow chair trapped in the shade.
I imagine it’s hard being a straight man. If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone like myself, you’re pretty much constantly guessing why your lover is pouting or aggressively washing the dishes.
Was it something I said? Is this about the cat vomit in the hall? Should I tell her she looks thin? …The possibilities are endless.
It’s unfair that men and women are wired so differently. You all are at a disadvantage. While we’re analyzing and weighing the pros and cons of numerous issues simultaneously, you’re daydreaming about a cheeseburger. It’s shameful that we expect so much but have no idea what it’s like to be in your noggin. We’ve been stewing and scrutinizing your comment about the state of the kitchen like there is no tomorrow, and you’ve been unknowingly surfing the web for an hour (if you didn’t like the color orange, you should have come to the fucking paint store). And when you ask what’s for dinner, we lash out like a rattlesnake that couldn’t warn you on account of a broken rattle. You’ve cracked the diaphanous bottle that was holding in all our feelings and suddenly, we’re pinballing, smacking up against problems you didn’t even know existed.
After some tears and maybe a door slam, the rush of hormones abates and things calm down. The emergency weather alert is over and you can open the hatch of Auntie Em’s bomb shelter. And would you look at that, Dorothy was just asleep in the house the whole time.
All of this is to say that I don’t envy you guys. You can keep your 10% higher salaries, dominating personalities, and nonchalance for fashion. I’d rather be batty than have to cope with my kind of crazy.
Girl seeking haircut : Desert Hot Springs, CA.
It was 102 and I had a bottle of sunscreen on.
Mud life, Desert Daze : Mecca, California.
Downtown Arts District : Los Angeles, CA.
The heat of hearts.
People love Los Angeles, even the Flintstones family.
I like time off.
If only it were still the ’40s.
Follow my instagram ya’ll, lifeflowsfast.
My mother never taught me how to eat like a lady. Despite who is piloting, every time the airplane spoon flies in, there’s a 40% chance it will miss the tunnel and the passenger morsels will be spilled down my chin in a tragic, edible accident. I’m not joking when I say I can’t wear white without a Red Lobster style bib. Every meal has casualties.
I know a lot of ladies who go weeks without washing their jeans. Unless I want to broadcast how much I like mustard to passersby, I have to spot clean after every meal. I’m gaumless when it comes to food. This is especially embarrassing because I work in a professional environment and intend to ascend the advertising Everest. I’m considering developing a list of luncheon appropriate items, but I think it will leave me with lightly dressed salads and translucent soups. Meaning, work meetings will be boiled down to first date hunger without the giddy fantasy of a future Jamaican vacation and Oceanside umbrella cocktails…
How do you re-learn how to eat without Richard Gere and a two weeks’ stay at the Beverly Hill’s Wilshire?